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Syrian army forces are sex predators: U.N.

UNITED NATIONS The U.N . Security Council on Wednesday accused Syria’s army and intelligence agency and a pro-government militia of being sexual war criminals for rape and assaults on women and children, along with the al Qaeda movement in Mali and various African rebel movements.

The “name and shame” tally of alleged sexual predators and outlaws was in a report adopted unanimously by the U.N . Security Council as part of a debate on “Women in Peace and Security.”

20 Photos

Two years of strife in Syria

1

It was drafted by Zainab Hawa Bangura, the U.N .

chief’s Special Representative for Sexual Violence in Conflict.

“For too long has war been waged on the bodies of women.. . for too long have women borne the crippling consequences — physical, psychological, social and economic — of war-time rape . They have been ostracized from their communities, cast out by husbands and family, left destitute with their children,” Bangura said.

She urged the council Wednesday “to renew our pact to break the silence and turn the tide on the world’s oldest and least condemned crimes.”

“In so doing, we stand in solidarity with the many thousands of victims and survivors around the world, not only women but also children and men, to say to them that they are not forgotten, that their plight is of the highest priority at the highest level of the international system.”

Her report contains a “List of parties that are credibly suspected of committing or being responsible for patterns of rape and other forms of sexual violence in situations of armed conflict…”

Play Video

War crimes found on both sides of Syria’s civil war

2

The report cited Syria’s army, intelligence services and the government-controlled Shabbiha militia, relying on an independent international commission of Inquiry that investigated Syria in 2012 and 2013.

“In several egregious incidents, (Syrian) government soldiers and Shabbiha elements allegedly entered homes and raped women and girls in front of male family members; they sometimes killed the victims afterward and forced men at gunpoint to rape their wives and daughters .

The Commission concluded that there are reasonable grounds to believe that such acts of sexual violence, perpetrated in connection to the armed conflict, could amount to war crimes,” the report said.

In Mali, where French troops have largely ousted an Islamic occupation of the northern part of the country, the U.N . list named al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb, Ansar Dine, and the lesser-known National Movement for the Liberation of Azawad and the Movement for uniqueness and jihad in West Africa.

Play Video

Hunting the world’s most wanted warlord: Joseph Kony

3

“A total of 211 cases of sexual violence (including rape, sexual slavery, forced marriage, torture and sexual violence in places of detention, gang rape, abduction and sexual violence during house-to-house operations or at checkpoints) have been reported since January 2012.

The majority of women and girls refused to report for fear of retribution and banishment by their spouses and the community,” the U.N . report said. “In rebel-controlled zones, rape was used as a tactic of war, contributing to mass displacement …”

The rest of the groups “credibly accused” of violence were also in Africa, including:

–In Central African Republic, the Lord’s Resistance Army led by Joseph Kony, and the Seleka rebel movement that overthrew the government three weeks ago.

–in Ivory Coast, ex-militia groups, and former army and state security forces.

–in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 16 parties are named, including the Lord’s Resistance Army, the army and national police, the M-23 movement, several Mai-Mai militias, and other insurgent groups linked to Rwanda and Uganda, which were accused by a U.N .

panel of experts of supporting the insurgency . Both countries have denied the accusation.

The full U.N . report4 on sexual violence is available online.

References

  1. ^ 20 Photos Two years of strife in Syria (www.cbsnews.com)
  2. ^ Play Video War crimes found on both sides of Syria’s civil war (www.cbsnews.com)
  3. ^ Play Video Hunting the world’s most wanted warlord: Joseph Kony (www.cbsnews.com)
  4. ^ U.N .

    report (www.securitycouncilreport.org)

U.N .

lists Syrian army and militias as sex predators

UNITED NATIONS: The U.N. Security Council1 Wednesday accused Syria’s army and intelligence agency and a pro-government militia of being sexual war criminals for rape and assaults on women and children, along with the Al-Qaeda movement in Mali2 and various African rebel movements. The “name and shame” tally of alleged sexual predators and outlaws was in a report adopted unanimously by the U.N . Security Council as part of a debate on “Women in Peace and Security.” It was drafted by Zainab Hawa Bangura, the U.N .

chief’s Special Representative for Sexual Violence in Conflict. “For too long has war been waged on the bodies of women.. . for too long have women borne the crippling consequences – physical, psychological, social and economic – of war-time rape .

They have been ostracized from their communities, cast out by husbands and family, left destitute with their children,” Bangura said. She urged the council Wednesday “to renew our pact to break the silence and turn the tide on the world’s oldest and least condemned crimes.” “In so doing, we stand in solidarity with the many thousands of victims and survivors around the world, not only women but also children and men, to say to them that they are not forgotten, that their plight is of the highest priority at the highest level of the international system.”

Her report contains a “List of parties that are credibly suspected of committing or being responsible for patterns of rape and other forms of sexual violence in situations of armed conflict…” The report cited Syria’s army, intelligence services and the government-controlled Shabbiha militia, relying on an independent international commission of Inquiry that investigated Syria3 in 2012 and 2013. “In several egregious incidents, (Syrian) government soldiers and Shabbiha elements allegedly entered homes and raped women and girls in front of male family members; they sometimes killed the victims afterward and forced men at gunpoint to rape their wives and daughters .

The Commission concluded that there are reasonable grounds to believe that such acts of sexual violence, perpetrated in connection to the armed conflict, could amount to war crimes,” the report said. In Mali, where French troops have largely ousted an Islamic occupation of the northern part of the country, the U.N . list named Al-Qaida in the Islamic Maghreb, Ansar Dine, and the lesser-known National Movement4 for the Liberation of Azawad and the Movement for uniqueness and jihad in West Africa.

“A total of 211 cases of sexual violence (including rape, sexual slavery, forced marriage, torture and sexual violence in places of detention, gang rape, abduction and sexual violence during house-to-house operations or at checkpoints) have been reported since January 2012 . The majority of women and girls refused to report for fear of retribution and banishment by their spouses and the community,” the U.N .

report said. “In rebel-controlled zones, rape was used as a tactic of war, contributing to mass displacement …” The rest of the groups “credibly accused” of violence were also in Africa, including: –In Central African Republic, the Lord’s Resistance Army, and the Seleka rebel movement that overthrew the government three weeks ago.

–in Ivory Coast, ex-militia groups, and former army and state security forces. –in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 16 parties are named, including the Lord’s Resistance Army, the army and national police, the M-23 movement, several Mai-Mai militias, and other insurgent groups linked to Rwanda and Uganda, which were accused by a U.N . panel of experts of supporting the insurgency .

Both countries have denied the accusation.

References

  1. ^ Security Council (www.dailystar.com.lb)
  2. ^ Mali (www.dailystar.com.lb)
  3. ^ Syria (www.dailystar.com.lb)
  4. ^ National Movement (www.dailystar.com.lb)

TODD STARNES: Army email pins Christian ministries as 'hate groups'

By Todd Starnes 1 A U.S. Army officer sent an email to dozens of subordinates listing the American Family Association and Family Research Council as domestic hate groups because they oppose homosexuality and warned officers to monitor soldiers who might be supporters of the groups. FOLLOW TODD ON FACEBOOK FOR CULTURE WAR NEWS. CLICK HERE TO JOIN! 2 Just want to ensure everyone is somewhat educated on some of the groups out there that do not share our Army Values 3 , read an email from Lt. Col. Jack Rich to three dozen subordinates at Fort Campbell in Kentucky. When we see behaviors that are inconsistent with Army Values 4 don t just walk by do the right thing and address the concern before it becomes a problem. Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, 5 told Fox News he was disturbed by the contents of the email. It s very disturbing to see where the Obama Administration is taking the military and using it as a laboratory for social experimentation and also as an instrument to fundamentally change the culture, he said. The message is very clear if you are a Christian who believes in the Bible, who believes in transcendent truth, there is no place for you in the military. The Army denied there is any attack on Christians or those who hold religious beliefs. The notion that the Army is taking an anti-religion or anti-Christian stance is contrary to any of our policies, doctrines and regulations, said George Wright, Army spokesman at the Pentagon. Any belief that the Army is out to label religious groups in a negative manner is without warrant. Wright said they are checking into the origin of the email. At this point it s unclear who ordered the email to be sent and why. The 14-page email documented groups the military considers to be anti-gay, anti-immigrant and anti-Muslim. Among the other groups mentioned are Neo-Nazis, Racist Skinheads, White Nationalists and the Ku Klux Klan. The Family Research Council 6 and the American Family Association 7 were listed as being anti-gay. The religious right in America has employed a variety of strategies in its efforts to beat back the increasingly confident gay rights movement, the officer wrote. One of those has been defamation. The officer accused the Christian Right of engaging in the crudest type of name-calling, describing LGBT people as perverts with filthy habits who seek to snatch the children of straight parents and convert them to gay sex, he wrote. IF YOU FOLLOW THE WAR ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY YOU NEED TODD S AMERICAN DISPATCH. CLICK HERE 8 Last week, Fox News 9 reported that an Army training instructor told a Reserve unit based in Pennsylvania that Evangelical Christianity and Catholicism were examples of religious extremism. The Army categorized that episode as an isolated incident. Ron Crews, executive director of the Chaplain Alliance, told Fox News that the latest revelation is proof of a much larger problem within military leadership. We re concerned that this is more than an isolated incident, he said. We d like answers. Is there a policy in the military concerning people of faith? Crews said that soldiers have religious liberty and they should not be punished for being members of respected religious groups. This is part of a trend that is concerning us, he said. Several in the military have this belief that evangelicals and people who hold to traditional values seem to be a problem and need to be monitored. Perkins, a Marine Corps veteran, said it s clear that Army Values have indeed changed. And it s the values of Evangelicals and Catholics, Perkins said. It s not the values of the vast majority of those serving in our nation s military. I think it s the values of this administration trying to superimpose upon our military. Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Jerry Boykin, now an executive vice president of the FRC, told Fox News that all Americans should be concerned about the contents of the email. If this is the action of a single Army lieutenant colonel, it needs to be investigated, he said. On the other hand, if what he reflects is a shifting policy or attitude of the Army or DOD, then I think it is a much bigger issue. Boykin served more than 36 years in the military before retiring in 2007. Since 2008 he said he s seen withering attacks on religious liberty. Among the incidents: A War Games scenario at Fort Leavenworth that identified Christian groups and Evangelical groups as being potential threats; A 2009 Dept. of Homeland Security 10 memorandum that identified future threats to national security coming from Evangelicals and pro-life groups; A West Point study released by the U.S. Military Academy s Combating Terrorism Center that linked pro-lifers to terrorism; Evangelical leader Franklin Graham 11 was uninvited from the Pentagon s National Day of Prayer service because of his comments about Islam; Christian prayers were banned 12 at the funeral services for veterans at Houston s National Cemetery; Bibles were banned 13 at Walter Reed Army Medical Center a decision that was later rescinded; Christian crosses and 14 a steeple were removed from a chapel in Afghanistan because the military said the icons disrespected other religions; Catholic chaplains were 15 told not to read a letter to parishioners from their archbishop related to Obamcare mandates. The Secretary of the Army feared the letter could be viewed as a call for civil disobedience. But Boykin called the newly-uncovered email the most egregious attack. That kind of rhetoric is isolating the institution of the military from a large sector of the American population, he said. This is an attack not only on the Christian faith, but on fundamental, traditional American values. Crews said the military is getting their information on domestic hate groups from the Southern Poverty Law Center. And the email written by the lieutenant colonel referenced the organization. This is disturbing that the military would use this list composed by the Southern Poverty Law Center when these organizations that are highly esteemed and respected in the evangelical community, he said. The Chaplain Alliance filed a Freedom of Information Act request asking if the SPLC list had been widely distributed in the military or if had been used in a formal manner. The response they got from the Dept. of Defense left Crews troubled. They told us they had no record of the SPLC list being used, he said even though the email clearly proves otherwise. This is part of a trend that is concerning us, he said. We believe it is more widespread than the military is acknowledging. We keep getting calls from military personnel telling us of their issues. David Jeremiah, the pastor of Shadow Mountain Community Church, was among the first to publicly support the FRC and AFA and denounce the attack. For it to be coming from a left wing political group is one thing, but for it to be coming from our own government is unconscionable to me, he told Fox News. Shadow Mountain is an evangelical mega-church near San Diego attended by many military families. Jeremiah said he suspects there is a significant disconnect between the Pentagon and the rank and file troops. There are so many good and godly people in the military who would be appalled to think that their leaders would be saying things like this, he said. The attempt on the part of the social engineers of our day to secularize our culture is in full swing. Everything they can do to remove God, the Bible and morality from the marketplace is being done not subtly but overtly. Sarah Palin, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, David Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin say you need to get Todd s latest book Dispatches From Bitter America. Click here to engage the culture! 16 References ^ By Todd Starnes (twitter.com) ^ FOLLOW TODD ON FACEBOOK FOR CULTURE WAR NEWS. CLICK HERE TO JOIN! (www.facebook.com) ^ Army Values (www.army.mil) ^ Army Values (www.army.mil) ^ Family Research Council, (www.frc.org) ^ The Family Research Council (www.frc.org) ^ American Family Association (www.afa.net) ^ IF YOU FOLLOW THE WAR ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY YOU NEED TODD S AMERICAN DISPATCH. CLICK HERE (toddstarnes.us4.list-manage1.com) ^ Last week, Fox News (radio.foxnews.com) ^ A 2009 Dept. of Homeland Security (www.theblaze.com) ^ Evangelical leader Franklin Graham (www.foxnews.com) ^ Christian prayers were banned (www.foxnews.com) ^ Bibles were banned (radio.foxnews.com) ^ Christian crosses and (radio.foxnews.com) ^ Catholic chaplains were (radio.foxnews.com) ^ Sarah Palin, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, David Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin say you need to get Todd s latest book Dispatches From Bitter America. Click here to engage the culture! (www.amazon.com)

Go here to read the rest:
TODD STARNES: Army email pins Christian ministries as 'hate groups'

The Invisible War: Breaking Silence about Sexual Assault in the …

The opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of The New Agenda.

An important documentary feature about the problem of rape in the military was nominated for an Academy Award but didn t win. I m sure the winner is a good film but I admit I was rooting for The Invisible War1 for three reasons: the winner gets a lot of attention and more people need to see this film; many people in the movie were very brave in speaking out about what happened to them and the award would have honored them too; and those involved in the production deserve commendations for their willingness to take on a tough topic.

Before the Academy awards were announced, I had the privilege of attending a screening of The Invisible War2. Following the screening, an impressive panel of speakers (Senator Richard Blumenthal3, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand4, Michele Flournoy5, Kirby Dick6 (Director and Writer), Maria Cuomo Cole7 (Executive Producer), and Rear Admiral Susan Blumenthal8, MD), moderated by Judy Woodruff, discussed the film and the problem.

Cassie Chew wrote an excellent blog9 on the PBS website detailing the discussion and highlighting some of the painfully graphic case studies from the film.

The intent of the film was to create a national dialogue about the raping of those who pledge to protect our country. In many cases, and as documented in the film, the victims have been blamed or further persecuted when they have attempted to report the crimes. Some were diagnosed with personality disorders and discharged without eligibility for benefits.

Two days after he viewed the film, then-Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta directed10 military commanders to hand over sexual assault investigations to a higher-ranking colonel.

He also announced that a Special Victims Unit would be established by each branch of the armed forces. While these actions represent steps toward exposing and appropriately punishing rapists, many feel more needs to be done.

At the Sundance Festival, the film broke the story11 of the harassment and sexual assaults at Marine Barracks Washington and it was covered by major news networks and organizations. Director Kirby Dick and his producing partner Amy Ziering were inspired by The Private War of Women Soldiers, the 2001 article12 about women serving in Iraq.

Over 150 women were contacted and 70 of them interviewed for the film.

A few of the surprising facts that I learned from the film and panel discussion:

  • In 2011, 3,192 sexual assaults were reported. Only 1,518 led to referrals for possible disciplinary action and only 191 military members were convicted at courts-martial.
  • 1% of the men in the military (20,000) were sexually assaulted in 2009
  • Sexual assault has a long-hidden history in the military
  • Military Sexual Trauma is the leading cause of PTSD13 among women veterans; combat trauma is the leading cause of PTSD among men.
  • 8% of military sexual assault cases are prosecuted.
  • In 2011, the VA spent almost $900 million on sexual assault-related healthcare expenditures ($10,880 per victim).

On March 13 a hearing14 will be held by the Senate Armed Services Committee15 Subcommittee on Personnel chaired by Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY).

A victims rights advocate, Sen. Gillibrand s first hearing of the 113th Congress will include testimony from sexual assault survivors and military officials.

Awareness is an important part of the solution to this tragic problem. Female victims of sexual assault in the military are surrounded by mostly male supervisors, and as clearly documented in the movie, the supervisors have often not only been unsupportive and critical of the victims, but sometimes are the rapists themselves.

While the historical treatment of the issue by the military has been one of covering up, Secretary Panetta s actions16 toward resolving some of the reporting problems are good steps.

The producers of the film call upon the Department of Defense to change policy in order that all who are convicted of a sex crime while in the military are listed on the National Sex Offender Public Website. They also call for the military to cease diagnosing victims of sexual assault with personality disorders and discharging them without being eligible for benefits. And they ask for the Department of Defense to formally apologize to the men and women who have been sexually assaulted while in the military.

Unfortunately this film will be harder to find in theaters because it did not win the Academy Award.

Links for purchasing it are included on the film s website17.

Independent Lens on PBS will air the film18 on May 27, 2013.

References

  1. ^ The Invisible War (invisiblewarmovie.com)
  2. ^ The Invisible War (invisiblewarmovie.com)
  3. ^ Blumenthal (www.blumenthal.senate.gov)
  4. ^ Gillibrand (www.gillibrand.senate.gov)
  5. ^ Flournoy (www.cnas.org)
  6. ^ Dick (kirbydick.com)
  7. ^ Cole (www.huffingtonpost.com)
  8. ^ Susan Blumenthal (susan-blumenthal.org)
  9. ^ blog (www.pbs.org)
  10. ^ directed (usnews.nbcnews.com)
  11. ^ story (www.reuters.com)
  12. ^ article (www.salon.com)
  13. ^ PTSD (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)
  14. ^ hearing (www.navytimes.com)
  15. ^ Committee (www.armed-services.senate.gov)
  16. ^ actions (usnews.nbcnews.com)
  17. ^ website (invisiblewarmovie.com)
  18. ^ film (video.pbs.org)

Autumn Sandeen: Violating Sex And Gender Norms While Traveling

I’m a transsexual who also identifies as transgender. Traveling by air two or three times a year, I have had expectations of insensitive treatment for the the TSA, and once actually had an experience with a full body search with them. However, I worked to turn that experience into a positive one — and, not just a positive experience for myself but as a teaching moment for at least two TSA officers that for them, may help my trans subcommunity of the broader LGBT community.

Let me begin by saying that I “pass” as female in almost all settings — that’s including in bathrooms. I definitely passed with three TSA officers back on that day that I was body searched. When I traveled there was no piece of documentation that I carried that said I was anything but female.

When going through a body scanner I actually left seven cents in my right front pocket. So, the TSA officer who was at the scanner station said I was going to be given a full body search. I was taken to a separate room with two female TSA officers. Before they began the search, I disclosed that I was transgender and that they may feel something that wasn’t normally expected by to be on a female body when they touched my crotch. They asked me then if I wanted male officers to conduct the search, and I said no: I said I’d prefer female officers to do the search. I was pleasant and smiling when they did the search, and they were pleasant in return.

They learned something about trans people being human; I learned that I could be treated by TSA officers when I outed myself.

Autumn Sandeen Being Arrested After November 15, 2010 'Get Equal Thirteen' Arrest

I haven’t always been treated well by other federal law enforcement officers. I twice handcuffed myself to the White House fence in my female U.S. Navy uniform for repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I participated in the GetEqual Six and GetEqual Thirteen protests. The first time I went jail, a Park Police officer referred to me 1by the epithet “Impersonator,” and a Federal Marshal mocked me, calling me the pejoratives “it” and “shim.” On my second trip to jail, I was body searched above the waist by a female officer, and searched by a male officer below the waist — that after asking that a female officer search me.

I’m so aware that many of my community sisters in LGBTQIA community don’t “pass” as female. And, I just don’t mean my trans community sisters; there are many butch lesbians who don’t “pass” as female by societal gender expression norms. And beyond trans women and butch lesbians, I have trans community siblings that identify as genderqueer which are folk who identify as both male and female, neither male or female, somewhere on the continuum between male and female, or gender fluid on that same continuum.

In American society we have sex and gender norms. “We,” in the societal sense of “we,” have a binary division of male and female, and given visual and voice clues of the people we meet decide whether folk are male or female within seconds. We consciously notice physical features such as hairlines, and unconsciously notice features such as the presence or absence of brow ridges and breasts, the size and shape of noses and lips, prominence of high cheekbones, skin texture, height, big or small boned, and size of hands, feet and butts. Plus we look at gender expression, such as hairstyle, presence or absence of make-up, and how feminine or masculine the clothes appear to be based on gender norms.

Autumn Sandeen as VA San Diego Patient Health Library, February 23, 2003

Early in my transition, by these standards I didn’t “pass” as female more than I did “pass.” Sometimes I was referred to by female pronouns, but more often by male pronouns. And, sometimes I was asked if I were male of female or what pronouns would I prefer.

When I have been called “sir,” “he,” or “him” in my life, I first gently corrected those who misgendered me. Sometimes those who misgendered me would self-correct; sometimes they wouldn’t, and would misgender me once or twice more. With conscious intent, I expressed on the second misgendering a level of irritation, and on the third misgendering I would express controlled anger.

“We” in American society who don’t conform to societal sex and gender norms seem to be presented with what, in my opinion, should be a false choice: either we have surgeries to deal with the physical gender clues that functionally misgender us and change our gender expression to fit more closely with societal sex and gender norms or we who don’t conform to societal sex and gender norms must accept when people misgender us.

Given the choice of someone presuming my gender incorrectly or that someone asking me what pronouns I’d prefer that he, she, or ze referred to me as, I’d prefer to be asked. Being asked means I don’t have to enter teaching mode about trans people and gender expression. However, when I am misgendered I’d prefer to be a teacher than to embrace hurt or anger; being a teacher can change hearts and minds about me, the trans woman, as well as about the we of trans community.

And as a teacher, I likely changed the hearts and minds of two TSA officers. I consider that a win.


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References

  1. ^ referred to me (pamshouseblend.firedoglake.com)

The Rarer Sex : The Self-Made Women Billionaires Of 2013

It was a record-setting year for women on the Forbes Billionaires list. For starters, there were more than ever, 138 in the ranks, up from 104. Plus there were also more who started their own businesses, 24. Among the new women are designer Tory Burch 1 and restaurateur Peggy Cherng, who runs Chinese food chain Panda Express with her husband Andrew. Zara co-founder Rosalia Mera 2 , now the richest self-made woman in the world, is worth a record $6.1 billion, ranked no. 195. It is a reason for celebration but also for consternation. That means only 1.6% of all billionaires are self-made women and that only 17% of the women on our list got there without inheriting a big chunk. Plus of those 24, the vast majority of whom are from the U.S. or China 3 , 15 co-founded their businesses with husbands or siblings. Among the 9 who went on their own are Oprah Winfrey 4 and Spanx’s

Group Sex: Thre s a hot body under that uniform


sweetpea9276 48yo Cave City, Kentucky, United States
Hunnybunny57 29yo Pasadena, California, United States
GoddessCoko 40yo Looking for Men New York City, New York, United States
hardy3sum 38yo Hardy, Arkansas, United States
bkr1996 34yo Nashville, Tennessee, United States




Spring Break Style Under $50

Mar 03, 2013

Spring Break is coming and no matter what you’re doing, we want to help you do it in style! To make it even easier, we’ve broken it down into the essential must-haves. And the best bit? They’re all under $50 so they won’t break the bank. All you need is one really cool piece to update your style 1- a pair of stylish sunglasses, eye-catching sneakers or a fun dress is all you need to ramp up the style points for spring break! Check out our guide on how to look cute on the beach, in the city or just chilling at home…

1. Cute Printed Dress

We love this adorable printed dress2 from Forever21! Printed with little pink flowers, it will look good paired with anything from a little denim jacket, a hoodie or just a chunky cardigan for chilly nights.

No age limit on love | The Columbian

You’re never too old to feel weak in the knees.

The butterflies in your belly. The extra dusting of make-up you put on in the morning. The unshakable smile stretching the limits of your face. These are the marks of new love. It can put a spring in your step whether you’re 16 or 86.

We’re older, day by day

Our society is getting grayer every day. “The Silver Tsunami” is a product of the post-WWII baby boom and our lengthening life spans.

The older population, those past 65, made up 13 percent of the country in 2010: 40 million people. By 2030, as baby boomers settle into old age, statistics indicate 20 percent of the United States will be in that age group.

People older than 85, an age that until recent decades was unreachable for most, will see their ranks increase drastically in the coming years. While there were only about 5.5 million people in the U.S. of that age and older counted in the 2010 census, in 2050 there could be about 19 million.

A third of those between 45 and 63 are unmarried, according to a census-based study published last year by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research. That’s a more than 50 percent increase since 1980, when 20 percent were not married.

“The economic and health vulnerabilities of single boomers are concerning because boomers are now moving into old age when failing health becomes even more common and severe,” wrote NCFMR co-director and sociology professor Susan Brown in a report. “In the past, family members, particularly spouses, have provided care to infirm older adults. But a growing share of older adults aren’t going to have a spouse available to rely on for support.”

While there are millions of single seniors now, there are millions more rolling over the hill.

“We are all healthier longer, that’s both a blessing and a curse,” said Vancouver gerontologist Gail Haskett.

Just ask Janice Veca.

Losing her first husband to divorce, and decades later her second to death, the 86-year-old thought she had aged past the point of romance, that a light within her had extinguished.

But last year, while living in Vancouver’s Touchmark at Fairway Village retirement community, in the final chapter of her life, came an unforeseen — but blessed — twist.

It was 83-year-old Donald Van Rossen. He moved to Fairway Village after his wife died from cancer last March.

As he settled into a new life in his studio apartment, Veca caught his eye. In the next months, the pair would chat in the dining room and at the occasional bingo game. He a retired University of Oregon Athletics Hall of Fame swim coach, she a devoutly Christian former software engineer.

Then, Van Rossen hit her with a bomb. He said he couldn’t get her out of his mind; that he had fallen head over heels.

Veca backed off as Van Rossen pushed on.

Online dating

While online dating isn’t for everyone, it has become a vital oasis for older adults not eager to hit up the local bar or wherever single people are found. Here are some of the most popular websites catering to the 50-and-older crowd. All offer free profiles and browsing as well as paid membership options.

• Our Time1

• Senior Match2

• AARP Dating3

• Senior Friend Finder4

Boomer5 Dating

“He kept asking me to marry him over and over and over,” Veca said. “I wasn’t interested in getting married again.”

But Van Rossen’s charm and persistence got the best of her. Love, as it tends to do, hit Veca like a ton of bricks.

Last Christmas she handed Van Rossen a note.

He read how they are blessed with love and joy; that she cared deeply for him. Following an arrow instructing him to flip over the card, Van Rossen read the back: “The answer is yes.”

Life changes

Whether it’s divorce, death or another significant life change that spurs a return to the dating world, it can be a monumental step.

It certainly was for 66-year-old Michael Fox-Lambert.

One morning 15 years ago his wife’s heart valve gave out, killing her swiftly on what had been an average day.

Three years before that, his son also died unexpectedly, under tragic circumstances he doesn’t wish to share in print.

His existence was shaken.

“The thought of finality just rings loudly in your ear: It’s all over,” he said. “My family is essentially gone.”

Fox-Lambert was living a quiet life alone in Vancouver when he eventually decided to dabble in dating.

While walking along the Columbia riverfront four years ago he spotted the woman who would turn his heart back on.

When he met her, he’d already suffered through a whirlwind of a second marriage, built on the unstable foundation of a fiery love affair.

With romantic highs and gut-wrenching lows, this latest relationship has flickered on and off. Now they are on the outs, maybe forever this time after she accused Fox-Lambert — falsely, he said — of cheating.

“I told her that I loved her and would always be in love with her,” he said. “I waved as she drove away. I’m afraid that is the end of our story.”

Susan Tredick, 76, rebounded from the death of her husband in her own way. After almost 40 years of marriage, her husband had a massive heart attack in 2011. He was gone in four minutes.

After months of cathartic mourning, the Ridgefield woman embarked into the dating world. In a year and a half, Tredick has been on dozens of dates: some mellow, some erotic, many fleeting.

“Frankly, I’m enjoying this freedom,” she said. “I see no reason to let life stop and pass you by.”

Tredick quickly learned she isn’t interest in men her age, preferring the vitality of those decades her junior.

“I’ve always been a really sexual woman, I’d like to still be sexual, but dating men my age and older just isn’t working for me,” she said. “I find that younger men are very interesting to me. Very, very interesting to me.”

Tredick said from her experiences older men are just as fixated on sex as younger guys, but often were unable to perform in the bedroom.

Her current 57-year-old “gentleman friend” from Oregon started as a casual pairing, but as emotions started playing a larger role in their relationship, their status has since become complicated.

Tredick said one of her daughters has raised concerns about their age gap. She hasn’t told her other two children.

“It doesn’t have to suit her. It just has to suit me,” Tredick said.

Staying single

Despite an overwhelming drive for some to find a romantic companion, others prefer to remain unattached, whether for emotional reasons or financial. Keeping finances in order is a major driving factor for many who remain unattached.

“A lot of individuals seriously want to protect their assets for their own children,” said Gail Haskett, president of Aging Resources Inc. in Vancouver.

Donna Stewart, 58, has her own reasons for staying single.

“At my age, men have a tendency to fall apart,” she said.

Stewart had her fill of caregiving when she was burdened with the emotional and painful duty of looking after her dying parents in the last decade. When they were gone, she pledged to never again put herself in the position where she would have to give that much of herself.

Her last romantic date was in 2004, though she does spend time with men. But they are friends, she said, more like brothers than anything else.

Never married and without kids, she’s content to remain single, living in Washougal with her nephew.

“The idea of purposely adding another person who eats and poops sounds absurd to me,” Stewart said. “I have much better things to do with my life.”

Lack of fish in the sea

As a straight single woman in her late 60s, Kathy Huss recognizes the reality that there aren’t many men to go around.

There are plenty of fish in the sea when you’re 20, but the imbalance between the sexes increases with age.

Because women tend to live longer, there are fewer men the older they age. In 2010, the U.S. Census Bureau reported there were 90.5 males per 100 females in the 65-year-old population. With 85-year-olds, there were only 58.3 males per 100 females.

Living in Vancouver, Huss has hit a few bumps on the road to romance, including dodging some money-making scams while using dating sites, but not enough to take her out of the game.

For a woman whose “bucket list” includes a journey to Alaska to see the glaciers, she’s not ready to put her feet up.

Huss believes our society, which tends to cater to youth, has a tendency to view older people as mummies left in the dust. But the thirst for love, sensuality, affection often remains.

Some older people spend their remaining years in near isolation, away from the feelings that once drove them, which Huss said is a shame. She hopes they remember their value, a presence within them that — if they choose — can be shared with another. “To feel like they are people,” Huss said.

An eternal spark

In two weeks, the Fairway Village couple will be married. As a gift to Van Rossen and Veca, dozens of friends teamed up to plan the March 16 ceremony at Glenwood Community Church. All the lovebirds have to do is show up.

After she answered “yes” in December, Van Rossen bought a diamond engagement ring. Even though he’d already asked many times, he treated his ultimate proposal with the respect of tradition.

Van Rossen got down on his aged knees and slipped the ring on Veca’s finger, asking her to be his wife.

Even though she once thought it had passed her by, Veca learned a new lesson about love — it’s never too late. There is a light that never goes out.

“You just have to follow your heart,” she said.

Love, at Any Age

Just like the bright-eyed teen staring in the mirror, fastidiously moving a strand of hair until it’s in the exact right place, dating as a senior can be just as nerve-racking as it is steaming with potential.

“Whatever your age is, finding the person of your dreams has never been easy,” said Pepper Schwartz, University of Washington sociology professor and AARP’s national sex and relationship expert.

The 67-year-old author explored her own time as an unattached older woman in “Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.” She’s now engaged to a man she met on a dating website, an increasingly common resource for senior singles.

For most, the need for companionship is just as strong when your skin is smooth as when it’s wrinkled.

“It’s really very critical at any age,” Schwartz said.

Finding a match well into your adult years brings its own set of daunting hurdles.

There might be emotional baggage, habits, health issues, children, a shrinking pool of wooers. As you age even more, there could be added concerns over body odor, incontinence, memory loss, fatigue, death.

Take the nervous feeling in your stomach after spotting a big zit on the tip of your nose on prom night and multiply it by a lifetime.

Despite the potential pitfalls of dating as a senior, Schwartz said there are positives too.

For one, it can be liberating to embrace the freedom of being single. Also, older people have most certainly learned a few things in their long lives; talents or knowledge that can intrigue a date. And after many decades, they probably know themselves well enough to radiate a confidence that might not have been there in their 20s.

When a person is young, sociologists say life tends to be about building — a family, a savings account, a healthy body. But in the later years, as life gets closer to its end than its beginning, the distractions of youth begin to fade away.

“We’re more planning for loss than gain,” said Gail Haskett, gerontologist and president of Aging Resources Inc. in Vancouver.

The drive then tends to focus around foundations, creating a stability to help ensure the senior years are fulfilling and worry free. Of course in the current economic climate, that’s not always the reality.

Stover E. Harger III: 360-735-4530; http://twitter.com/col_hoods; [email protected]67

References

  1. ^ Time (www.ourtime.com)
  2. ^ Match (www.seniormatch.com)
  3. ^ Dating (www.aarp.org)
  4. ^ Finder (www.seniorfriendfinder.com)
  5. ^ Boomer (www.boomerdating.com)
  6. ^ http://twitter.com/col_hoods (twitter.com)
  7. ^ [email protected] (www.columbian.com)

Taylor Swift dating Ed Sheeran after pair hooked up at Brit awards …

The ’22′ singer first romanced the ‘Lego House’ hitmaker last March but they broke things off to focus on their careers and now they have decided to give things another go.

Sources say they grew close again after Taylor split from One Direction’s Harry Styles, who is a good friend of Ed’s.

One told The Sun newspaper: “Taylor has always loved Ed to bits. He’s just an adorably sweet guy who makes her laugh and feel really confident.

“Harry had that irresistible bad boy thing but Taylor has realised she would rather give it a go with a guy who can make her happy on a different level.”

According to US reports, Taylor and Ed spent the night together before last month’s BRIT Awards, staying up talking until 4am at Taylor’s London hotel.

Ed was spotted leaving the hotel the next day in the same clothes he had been wearing the night before.
Last December, Ed said he thought he was not good looking enough for Taylor.

He insisted: “We had great fun when we met, but I don’t think I’m Taylor’s type.

“If you look at all the dudes she’s dated, they’re all tall, brown hair, brown eyes, very attractive and all the girls scream for them. I’m chubby, ginger with blue eyes.”

However, Taylor has previously said: “I like people with red hair. I would do a ginger.”

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Irish Celebrity Gossip1


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References

  1. ^ Irish Celebrity Gossip (www.irishcentral.com)